Biblical Elephants

This week I was visited by a Jehovah’s Witness, little man who laid his hand atop his Bible and declared how it had opened his eyes. I certainly believed that! He was the most bug-eyed man I’d ever met. Two ice-blue orbs, one shot off sideways and he barely ever blinked. When the good Lord opened the eyes of this man, He meant to keep them open! Little bug-eyed man stuck his mouth in the door and he just didn’t stop talking. End times, he said, and the answers are all in the Bible, all in the Bible, the answers are there.

After I respectfully declined a second visit from the habituators of Kingdom Hall, I came inside and began to contemplate the upcoming election. I opened my concordance and looked up donkeys and elephants. THERE ARE NO BIBLICAL ELEPHANTS! Jesus did NOT make his triumphant entry into Jerusalem paramount on a pachyderm. If all the answers are in the Bible, then God is surely a Democrat.

Here is a brief history of Biblical donkeys:


Balaam’s Donkey – Some say there’s safety in numbers, but in the book of Numbers from the Old Testament, there’s a talking donkey (Chapter 22). It’s like Shrek, really.

Mary’s Donkey – The donkey had to bear a nine-month pregnant woman all the way to Bethlehem just so Mary could give birth in a stable environment.

Jesus’ Donkey – Actually this was a juvenile donkey who probably developed premature arthritis from having to bear such a load at such a young age. He marched Jesus through the streets of Jerusalem, tripping over palm frond and hearing people yell, “Hose, Anna!” and yet he never saw the water girl.


Donkeys appear throughout the Bible, dead and alive, talking and mute, and even as the weapon of choice for Sampson who slew a thousand men with a donkey’s jawbone. The value of a donkey is certainly inherent in the commandment: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ass” (Exodus 20:17).