Elect Shun

I’m running for office. Any office. Any office that’ll pay me to sit in it and do work. In other words, I need a job. More than that, I need money.

Barack Obama has sent me two of the exact same letters. Two of them, twins, about a month apart. Form letters. They’re in response to my letter to him extolling reform for the American publishing industry. I propose we pave the way to peace via an American literature worthy of the United States military. In order to do that, we need to crack open the printing houses entrenched in genre books. Let a new era of words begin!

I’m still not published.

I sent the same letter to Barbara Bush. I figure Obama’s got Oprah, and Mrs. Bush Senior’s got a whole foundation for literacy and education. Besides, anybody who can teach George W. to read has got some merit. So I pit the parties against each other. I’ll see which one can do something for me.

Haven’t heard from Mrs. Bush.

When women got the vote in 1920, my grandmother went down to the precinct to cast her ballot. Turns out she voted exactly opposite what my grandfather had voted for, effectively cancelling out his vote or any part of the democratic sway of their household. That was the first and last time my grandmother voted.

I addressed two hundred envelopes by hand. Call it my contribution to the election process. It’s for a local politician, invitations to his fish fry. My husband had volunteered to do it, but I did it. It’s not even the party I favor. Apparently I’m also going to be issued a tee shirt and serve fried fish at his campaign rally. Maybe I should follow the example of my grandmother and exercise my right NOT to vote.

Funny thing, of those two hundred envelopes addressed to the ’80 section of my zip code, I knew not one single person. Not one. You’d think, out of two hundred people, in my own small town, I’d know somebody. Not nobody. It occurred to me, though, they’re the rich people, that’s why I don’t know them. They’re rich; I’m not. I need money; they’ve got it. The only thing we have in common is that we’re all going to this fish fry. Hey maybe there is something this candidate can do for me after all!