'POSSUM ART

It’s really difficult to find good ‘possum art. It’s hard to find ‘possum art at all. I mean with armadillos, we’re over-run with armadillos as much as they are run-over by us. Their neat, symmetrical pattern of dermal scoots, a suite of armor, armor that hasn’t quite had enough eons to adapt for car tire impact.

I’ve eaten armadillo meat. Tastes like stringy chicken. Honestly, though, there was so much spice on it, it really tasted only like spice, which makes me believe that anything that needed that much seasoning was probably really nasty. I’ve never had ‘possum. Even my grandfather wouldn’t eat ‘possum. He lived through the Depression and he dined on squirrel steaks and rack of raccoon, but he wouldn’t eat ‘possum. Too much of a dirty animal. A ‘possum’ll eat anything, but mostly in my experience they eat cat food.

‘Possums are like oversized rats with rat-bald tails and a pointed face, but they’re stupid, and they hiss, and should one bite you you’d probably die from the bacteria in its mouth. I found one in a latrine. Tried to help it out with a stick, which it wouldn’t climb because it was too busy playing dead, so had to rope it and drag it out by its noosed head.

I’ll let that story sink in, then I tell you it was a new latrine, hadn’t been used yet. That makes the story not so awful.

But they do that. ‘Possums play dead. Like they’re the biggest cowards on the planet. You swat one with a broom and he lays down, which make him easy to get rid of, but if you don’t go bury him right then and there, he’ll jump up later, and he’ll be gone! To come back the next night and stir up the dog while he’s stealing cat food.

I wonder, though, if there isn’t a jealousy factor going on. ‘Possums are the only marsupials in North America. None of us other mammals here can carry our babies in a pouch. That could explain the lack of ‘possum art, or it could be that ‘possums are the most unliked species on the continent, so unliked, that everybody wants to promote their non-existence, partly through artistic omission. I mean an armadillo isn’t even a Florida native, though it’s the number one road kill on Florida highways. Again, not a terribly bright animal. Armadillos dig holes in yards, compete with the national bird for flight time (off your bumper), and they aren’t very much afraid of you, even when you encounter them in the deep woods. Armadillos go about their business regardless of what’s going on outside their shell. Intellectually, there’s not much difference between an armadillo and a ‘possum, except an armadillo doesn’t tend to hiss at you and behave like a…a…well, a ‘possum.

I thought it would be fun to collect ‘possum art. I didn’t know it’d be impossible. I started ten years ago with a great wood block print by George Meyer, “Mother Possum.” I thought it would be a unique collection because you never see ‘possum art, but that’s the thing: you never see ‘possum art. Among the myriad of armadillo paraphernalia, from psychedelic shells to armadillo earrings, you never see ‘possums among that stuff. Raccoons get a pretty good show, not so much as the armadillo, but descent. I’m not talking the fancy fine art shows, I’m talking the folksy arts and crafts festivals, happen in tents, like a tribe of Bedouins, moving their flock of crap from one small town to the next. I thought surely I’d be able to pick up ‘possum art in that venue. In my ten years’ effort, I have only the one piece. George Meyer has some nice animal wood block prints. I bought an armadillo from him as well, but it’s the ‘possum I really like. He said that one didn’t sell as much. I bought print number twenty-seven of two hundred and ninety-four he couldn’t sell. There’s a real niche in the market, I’m telling you visual art people, it could be the next best thneed. I’m ready for it!