My mother told me not to have sex in a sleeping bag. It just wasn’t a good idea. She did not elaborate. However, she failed to warn me off deep-fitted sheets.
My bed wears garters. Yes, garters. Elastic runs corner to corner, side to side and clamped down on that ever-loving fitted sheet. Without the garters, the sheet flips off in the middle of the night, or in the middle of something else, and wraps up around your head. It’s quite an astounding fright. It might be something that would happen in an Edgar Allan Poe story except it happens too instantly—snap! And your head’s wrapped up in the corner of your fitted sheet.
This wouldn’t happen with a standard mattress, except I don’t have a standard mattress. Oh no. I had to get a deep mattress with a pillow top. Surely if they make the mattress they’d make the sheet for it. Not so much. If that were really the case, no one would manufacture mattress garters. Mattress garters! I tell you, put some stockings on my bed’s four legs and it’d be ready for a night out!
AA In Boston
14 years ago
2 comments:
I can readily imagine the conversation in which your mother would imbue such sage advise - just before a camping trip!
Our mattress is an "Olympic Queen" (take that thread and run), which means that it is six inches wider than a standard Queen (Elizabeth I), and a pillow-top to boot! The only sheet that will fit (with or without bedding lingerie), are king sized. Much tucking is done to tame these unruly beasts. *sigh* Someone took that sales pitch - hook, line, and sinker (or sucker as in my case).
As a follow-up to yeah, our many readers, I wish to express a solution which I have recently found to this bed-clothes ripping situation: switch sides of the bed. I don't know why this works or if it would work for an Olympic Queen or a queen of any other variety for that matter, but let me tell you, you've got to take action when the sheet hits the fan.
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