HIGH PATHETICAL

If a man were a complete sentence—Mr. Complete Sentence, let’s say—his person would be the subject and so he would start off naked. Well, we would have to DO something about that, wouldn’t we? So we’d put his underwear on and his underwear would be the verb, or he could wear swimming trunks, in which case he’d be all set—the man and his swimsuit would be a complete sentence, noun and verb: “Jesus wept.” Indeed. Of course the man might want to do something more elaborate than swimming, like going to work or taking a trip and so we could put more clothes on him, shirt and undershirt forming prepositional phrases to support the central noun. His watch would be an adjective (and if he were Mrs. Complete Sentence he’d have a lot more adjectives as women often do) and his belt is the adverb because it describes how the verb is covered. Oh my, we could be getting into dangerous territory here. Let’s not even talk about what forms a period or an exclamation point! ! Let’s not talk at all. I’m tired of talking. Sentences are often too long and should be commuted, right? Right? All this nonsense only proves that I’d be a disaster at early childhood education, and at politics.